15 Ways to Know You’re Middle-Aged

When exactly do you hit this stage of life known as Middle-Aged? Is it 40? 50? If we think of a life expectancy of 80, then 40 is the halfway point, right? I’ve heard some people say different ages, or a range of 40 – 60. But who knows for sure?

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Is it a certain birthday that tells you you’re middle-aged? Or is it something that happens to you? It’s not clear, right?

Well, I’ve got some real telltale signs that you’re middle-aged, whatever the number of birthdays you’ve celebrated. Here they are, in no certain order.

  1. You gain weight overnight for no reason. You just wake up one morning and you’re thicker around than you were the night before. Some kind of wicked black magic.
  2. You can’t tolerate stupidity anymore. When you’re young, you just laugh and walk away. Now you get irritated and mutter under your breath, or worse, you say something, or, in the case of other drivers, you yell at them. Make sure your windows are up. Just saying.
  3. You wake up in the middle of the night, not because the kiddos need you, but because you have to pee.
  4. Or because your body thermostat just broke and you’re sweating like a pig. Yes, the dreaded hot flashes. Aim a fan at your bed. It helps.
  5. You run out of patience with alarming regularity. I firmly believe we’re all given a bucket of patience when we’re young, and by 50 we’ve run out. This is probably the reason for #2 above.
  6. You groan…when you bend over, when you get into/out of bed, when people say something stupid…it just happens.
  7. You eat 2 oreos, and you gain 5 pounds. You used to be able to eat a whole handful and not gain an ounce. Welcome to middle-age.
  8. You don’t know all the hip tv actors or singers anymore, so you quit watching awards shows. Who the heck are these people? And you find yourself watching older shows…thank goodness for dvd’s.
  9. You watch the weather forecast, and plan accordingly. Remember when you used to head to the mall, not knowing if it was going to rain or snow or how cold / hot it was going to be? What a risk taker you were!
  10. You play the remember when game. Remember when that shopping center was all farmland? Remember when Magnum P.I. and Simon & Simon made for a great Thursday night? Remember when we left the house and nobody knew where we were or how to reach us?
  11. You dread the next digital or technological advance. Enough already. Let’s just coast a while.
  12. You talk about things like LPs and party lines, and the kids have no clue what you’re talking about. Kind of poetic justice, actually.
  13. You realize you’re old enough to be your coworkers mother. You’re the ‘older person’ now. Yikes, when did that happen?
  14. You and your friends or siblings talk about retirement. 401(k) plans and social security are your new buzz words.
  15. You wish people would just call you, instead of texting you for half an hour.
Photo by Oleg Magni on Unsplash

I could go on, but I’ll stop there. Well, how many of these telltale signs could you say yes to? If 7 or more, you are officially middle-aged. Welcome! Get comfortable…you’ll be here a while.

Don’t worry…it’s not all bad. (Remember on Hee Haw, when Marianne Rogers used to say, in her thick southern accent…”I’ve had such an exasperating day…but life’s not all bad…” Don’t know why but that just plopped into my head)

Anyway…

You may not be ‘young’ anymore, but you’ve matured into one heck of a woman. Just think of all you’ve been through. You’re one strong lady, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

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